I am a survivor of abuse, sexual/molestation. Abuse in any form has the ability to alter the victim's character, behavior, and spirit. I was silent for over 30 years. The fear, shame, and guilt kept me silent. I questioned myself for many years as to why I had not spoken out about the abuse I had suffered. After many years of counseling I now recognize the extent of the damage that has been done to my psyche. Sexual abuse/molestation has caused me to react in ways that are seen as unusual, over reactive, angry, hostile, passive, aggressive, regressive, numb, and a host of other emotions and reactions.
It incites anger, sadness, and confusion in me, when someone asks why would someone who has been abused wait so long to speak out. I was threatened with death. Death to me, my mother, and my brother. Day after day I was told that if I said anything we would die at the hands of my abuser. So why didn't I tell someone, anyone? Well, I lived in the same household as my abuser. He had access to me day and night, I could be murdered in my sleep. The trauma of this situation stuck with me even as a adult. Once I was married and had children I was so brain washed in fear that I did not speak out until I was about 36 years old. One day I took a deep breath and told my mother. Then about 10 years later I told my brother. I went to counseling and was able to speak out. I now have a voice and no one can silence me. I stand in my truth. I finally feel free. For many years I thought I would not feel free until the death of my abuser, but I feel free because I have the courage to not be silent.
Until you walk a mile in my shoes you do not have the right to judge me.
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