The Courage To Not be Silent

I am a survivor of abuse, sexual/molestation. Abuse in any form has the ability to alter the victim's character, behavior, and spirit. I was silent for over 30 years. The fear, shame, and guilt kept me silent. I questioned myself for many years as to why I had not spoken out about the abuse I had suffered. After many years of counseling I now recognize the extent of the damage that has been done to my psyche. Sexual abuse/molestation has caused me to react in ways that are seen as unusual, over reactive, angry, hostile, passive, aggressive, regressive, numb, and a host of other emotions and reactions.

It incites anger, sadness, and confusion in me, when someone asks why would someone who has been abused wait so long to speak out. I was threatened with death. Death to me, my mother, and my brother. Day after day I was told that if I said anything we would die at the hands of my abuser. So why didn't I tell someone, anyone? Well, I lived in the same household as my abuser. He had access to me day and night, I could be murdered in my sleep. The trauma of this situation stuck with me even as a adult. Once I was married and had children I was so brain washed in fear that I did not speak out until I was about 36  years old. One day I took a deep breath and told my mother. Then about 10 years later I told my brother.  I went to counseling and was able to speak out. I now have a voice and no one can silence me. I stand in my truth. I finally feel free. For many years I thought I would not feel free until the death of my abuser, but I feel free because I have the courage to not be silent.

Until you walk a mile in my shoes you do not have the right to judge me.

NATIONAL WALK OUT MONDAY SEPTEMBER 24 @ 1 PM ET

Before & After Keto - Intermittent Fasting Video with My Weigh-in

This YouTube video reminded me of myself. Michelle Spiva talks with Dr. Berg about how sick she was before starting keto-intermittent fasting and how she feels much healthier after 7 months. Stories like this keep me motivated. I want to be healthier.

Weigh in September 8, 2018 is 179 pounds. So that's a 10 pound loss from a 189 pound start. True confessions, I cheated a little and still lost weight. My goal is not to cheat. I need will power. I'll take the loss!

Lifestyle change through Keto Diet and Intermittent Fasting

I have had a long journey with my addiction to foods that are made with wheat. Around 2007 I self diagnosed myself with an allergy to wheat. At first I thought I had Celiac Disease. After seeing a endocrinologist and having an colonoscopy and endoscopy, the doctor told me I did not have Celiac Disease. He suggested that I see an Allergist to be tested for food allergies. Well I saved my money, because I didn't need an allergist to charge me for what I knew. See, every time I ate anything with wheat in it I had varying symptoms, from skin eruptions with burning and itching, sinus issues, dry eyes, sore and itchy throat, flu like symptoms, bowel issues, uncontrollable coughing, joint pain, and internal mucus build up. So I began an elimination diet. I went cold turkey on all wheat products. Within 2-3 days my symptoms were almost completely gone. By the end of a week I was symptom free. That was my proof. However, I soon realized I was also addicted to wheat products. After several weeks of being wheat free I began to have overwhelming cravings for anything and everything that was made with wheat. I could not watch my family eat wheat without craving the taste of it. I became depressed because I missed the taste. I could not control myself, I would eat cookies, pies, cake, and bread. Then I would be sick and miserable afterward. I'd feel bad because I was not strong enough to resist the cravings and would sneak a taste of wheat. The vicious cycle of addiction began. It is 10 years later and I am still struggling with recovery from my wheat addiction. As a matter of complete honesty, I ate a wheat pretzel before beginning this post. The sad thing is that as I am typing my face, hand, and scalp are itching. I have been coughing because of the tickle in my throat and I feel acid reflux in my throat. I must take this allergy seriously. My body is in a state of revolt against my weak attempt to control this addiction.

I stumbled on the Keto Diet and Intermittent Fasting on YouTube. Dr. Eric Berg DC YouTube channel was my initial source of information on the Keto Diet and Intermittent Fasting. I invite you to check out his YouTube channel and his website drberg.com. There is plenty of information out there on the Keto Diet and Intermittent Fasting, however I suggest do diligence in your research. The Keto Diet is appealing because I am gluten free and desire to eliminate processed foods, sugar, and GMO foods.

I tried Dr. Berg's Keto Diet and Intermittent Fasting for one week and was astonished by the results. I ate one or two meals a day without any snacks in between meals. I drank bottled, filtered, and carbonated water all day. Sometimes I would add fresh lemons and limes to the water. I eliminated all sugar and replaced it with stevia. I tried to eat only organic foods and grass-fed meats.I did not eat any grains, beans, legumes, and/or fruit. I took supplements like multivitamins and minerals and B complex. I lost 8 pounds in one week. The only thing is that after that first week I began to cheat. I decided to celebrate the lose with a cookie, don't judge me. This sent me into a spiral of one or two days on the Keto Diet and intermittent Fasting then I'd eat a slice cake. After the second week I had only gained 2 pounds, so I convinced myself that it was not a bad thing and it was okay to cheat. Now I am into the 4th week and I have not lost any more weight. I am frustrated with myself for my lack of discipline. So I have decided to be accountable by posting my lifestyle change.


I started this lifestyle change weighing in at 189 pounds. Today I am weighing in at 180 pounds.